His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
