Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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