You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
