My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
