I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
