I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
