I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
