He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
