we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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