I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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