I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
