they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
