thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
