If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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