Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
