I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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