"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
