Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
