I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize