happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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