Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I touched a dick in church today
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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