her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
