Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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