I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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