One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
did you just send me my own nude
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
