the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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