I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize