Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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