i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize