the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i dont even know how to be here
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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