My Higher Power is John Stamos
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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