you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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