Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
