How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
