I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
