We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
