Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
