if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
