just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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