there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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