i don't like sucking hair
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
