I CAN MOONWALK!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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