How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i think i have herpe
just one?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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