How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
