Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
