yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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