Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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