I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
