This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
