I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
