Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
