you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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