Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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