I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I need to stop coming to work sober
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
