apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
