You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
