Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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