Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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