Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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