is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
