ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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