ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
