I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
