do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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