D3 body, D1 cock
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
