the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
