Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize