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Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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