Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
