two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
