she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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