We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
