So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
