This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
